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Rebirth

Time for me to put up one of the most honest and realest blogs you have ever seen from me. Since my break up at the end of 2011 I really haven't discussed it. I closed the door, shoved it under the rug and just kept my fingers crossed that every time I went out no one would ask me where 'he' was. I am sitting here looking at the last year. The things that have changed and decided it was time to write this...

In that relationship we had it all planned out: goals, dreams, cars, kids, marriage and more. I thought I had met the man that I was going to spend the rest of my life with and I started living just that way. As though this was my husband and he was going to be at my side through it all, no matter what...

WRONG.

Life isn't that easy.. I should have known that but my happiness and desire for a real committed relationship clouded my decisions at the time. I won't discuss the details of  the break up or intimate details of the relationship but I will say it was a roller coaster if there ever was one. I was dating my best friend, we'd work on music projects together, lived with my kids as a family and like I said I treated it as a marriage. Only it wasn't. This man had no real ties to me or my family and his leaving made me realize how easy it can be for you to get caught up in your own vision to really get the whole picture. He was not my husband... no commitment of that level had been made so why had I invested so much? Why was I naive enough to believe that in time those things would come? I had banked on my future without securing my present or truly learning from my past.

NOT AGAIN.

In this past year I have learned that I am responsible for those hopes, goals, wants and dreams... While I have people in my life to support me, help we grow and more that's all they are there for. Support. Ultimately it's me that I have to depend on. I had to learn to go from we and us to I and me. That was a hard transition. I went through depression, anger, resentment and finally found peace. I chose to focus on the positives from that relationship, learn from the mistakes I made and make myself more important. I learned that I'd still be accepted in the music scene which had been "our" scene, no matter if someone was at my side or not. I learned that losing the love from a partner does not mean losing myself. I'm extremely grateful to those that were there for me in the immediate months that followed. I know I was in a very dark place and the time and patience exerted by so many was a great stepping stone to my new life.

REBIRTH

So now another year is closing out. It's been a little more than a year since that breakup. I have kept my personal life completely out of the spotlight which I prefer for now because that's not where the focus should be. I am coming into a new me, a stronger, more powerful person. Wise enough to accept my mistakes as lessons and my successes as proof that life goes on no matter what happens and you have to choose how to move with it. Life doesn't stop for you to get over a breakup, job loss, or even a death. You have to learn and adapt to move with it. I grow each day.. stronger, wiser, and I see my potential and honestly that is all that matters. I'm in charge and will make an awesome life for me and my children...

Comments

  1. This is awesome!! I know you know the song Me-Tamia reminds me of that! No one will ever love you as much as you love yourself. And once you truly love yourself you DEMAND that of others. Accepting of nothing less. its so awesome ! Great read !!! Sort of seems that you may be afraid to fall in love again, don't be...you may not need it now but i know you know that God has everything in control and if u just listen to him he will supply all those needs, love is a BEAUTIFUL thing. Again...great read !

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    Replies
    1. Thanks hunni.. yes falling again is quite scary.. I've neared that edge since then but haven't taken that dive quite yet. I know when God decides its time, I'll know. UNtil then I'm just enjoying each day. Thanks for reading AND commenting <3

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  2. The good thing about situations like this is it teaches you what you want and need. More importantly it teaches you what you will not deal with and prepares you so that you are ready when the right one comes along. Best of luck hon...this love thing is tough!

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    Replies
    1. Temika if there was ever anyone that gives me hope its you! The love you have found keeps me grounded in the fact that it CAN happen and WILL happen when its time <3 Thank you for reading and commenting :)

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