In that relationship we had it all planned out: goals, dreams, cars, kids, marriage and more. I thought I had met the man that I was going to spend the rest of my life with and I started living just that way. As though this was my husband and he was going to be at my side through it all, no matter what...
Life isn't that easy.. I should have known that but my happiness and desire for a real committed relationship clouded my decisions at the time. I won't discuss the details of the break up or intimate details of the relationship but I will say it was a roller coaster if there ever was one. I was dating my best friend, we'd work on music projects together, lived with my kids as a family and like I said I treated it as a marriage. Only it wasn't. This man had no real ties to me or my family and his leaving made me realize how easy it can be for you to get caught up in your own vision to really get the whole picture. He was not my husband... no commitment of that level had been made so why had I invested so much? Why was I naive enough to believe that in time those things would come? I had banked on my future without securing my present or truly learning from my past.
In this past year I have learned that I am responsible for those hopes, goals, wants and dreams... While I have people in my life to support me, help we grow and more that's all they are there for. Support. Ultimately it's me that I have to depend on. I had to learn to go from we and us to I and me. That was a hard transition. I went through depression, anger, resentment and finally found peace. I chose to focus on the positives from that relationship, learn from the mistakes I made and make myself more important. I learned that I'd still be accepted in the music scene which had been "our" scene, no matter if someone was at my side or not. I learned that losing the love from a partner does not mean losing myself. I'm extremely grateful to those that were there for me in the immediate months that followed. I know I was in a very dark place and the time and patience exerted by so many was a great stepping stone to my new life.
So now another year is closing out. It's been a little more than a year since that breakup. I have kept my personal life completely out of the spotlight which I prefer for now because that's not where the focus should be. I am coming into a new me, a stronger, more powerful person. Wise enough to accept my mistakes as lessons and my successes as proof that life goes on no matter what happens and you have to choose how to move with it. Life doesn't stop for you to get over a breakup, job loss, or even a death. You have to learn and adapt to move with it. I grow each day.. stronger, wiser, and I see my potential and honestly that is all that matters. I'm in charge and will make an awesome life for me and my children...